3 dpo!

Well, I've been distracted the past couple of weeks from thinking too much about baby making.  I have gained fresh optimism again.  I feel that way because I have tried different things this cycle.  I said in the last post that I am taking Maca, and Aspirin.  Well, I took Maca up until just before ovulation, and Aspirin I took every other day until just before ovulation.  So those things combined I feel more hopeful.  My Post O temps are so far quite high, so I'm happy with that result!  Plus my pre O temps weren't too erratic and were on the whole a bit higher than usual.  Also a good sign.  So, I'm really hoping that the aspirin that I took allowed more blood flow to the uterus and that I have a nice thick endometrial lining for our baby to implant it.  JJ is also taking Maca as it is great for men and women. 
I ovulated on day number 16 of my cycle.  A day later than last cycle, but still, earlier than I was averaging since our last miscarriage early last year.  So that is awesome.  I'm going to Manitoba tomorrow and will be out until my AF is due.  So if I get a positive pregnancy test while I'm out there I'm sad that I'll probably have to tell JJ over the phone.  I'll want to tell him first, and yet, I'll want to tell some people in person while I'm back home.  As long as I'm pregnant, that's what really matters!  I have tonnes of pregnancy tests that came in the mail on Monday.  Gotta love cheap internet tests!  The level they respond to HCG is 10miu, which is super sensitive!  Most others are around 20miu or more.  So I should be able to see a positive sooner.  :)  Good times.  Alright, here's to hoping for a baby before I turn 28! 

Cycle #44 of Trying.

No fresh optimism here.  Af came like usual, right when I though she would.  And here I am writing another blog.  I'm not very good at writing a lot.  My patience with typing up things gets short.  :)  On a wonderful note, a friend of mine finally was able to hold her own baby in her arms.  What a beautiful thing.  Congrats deary! 
Every cycle I try to figure out what I can do to increase my chances at conception.  I realize J's morphology issue (99% of his sperm are misshapen) is a likely cause of the infertility, however, I believe that my af is too short.  So I don't think that my uterine lining is getting as thick as it is supposed to.  It needs to be thick enough to support a pregnancy, otherwise baby won't implant properly and I could miscarry.  So, this cycle I realized that this is a likely problem.  I am taking baby aspirin this cycle, to increase the blood flow to my uterus, which should increase the lining.  Along with that I am taking Maca root (only started that 3/4 of the way through my last cycle), prenatals, and b6 (for my 12 day luteal phase that I'm trying to increase to 13 or 14 days).
Now, I wish I could forgo taking all these supplements but when you really want a baby, you do what you can.  That being said, I need to lose weight and eat healthier and that will help balance my hormones.  J and I are both in the process of trying to lose weight.  So far I'm down about 3 pounds.  So that is a start.  I am hoping to lose a few more this cycle.  I really really don't want to be overweight after a pregnancy is done and have to worry about losing it.  Nor do I wish to be concerned about having and issues during pregnancy.  Granted, I'm not super heavy but I'm borderline overweight.  Just under now with the 3 pound loss.  So we shall see.  I'm not holding my breath, but I am especially excited to try the aspirin and see if that will make a difference.  (I plan on taking one every other day, as I really am not trying to thin my blood for any other reason but to increase that uterine lining)  For those who don't know, aspirin is commonly prescribed in pregnancies after repeated miscarriage, in case there is a clotting disorder that would have caused the losses.
Well, that's it for now.  

Running Out of Things to Say

My enthusiasm has dwindled.  I don't know how often I'll end up posting now.  It's just another thing that makes me think about the baby situation.  Sorry to sound cynical.  I just don't see a point to focus my energy on this.  God will give us a baby when He wants to.  So, there really isn't much point thinking about things.  When it happens it happens.  Thanks for reading, whoever did!  We'll see, maybe I won't feel like this in the future.  There may be blogs coming.  But at the moment, I just don't know, it could be a while. 

It's Getting Old

Trying to get pregnant, hoping I'm pregnant, etc is getting really old.  I don't even really care about looking at cute baby clothes, or baby related things anymore.  It just feels like a dead end road.  I still believe someday we'll have our own children.  But let's face it.  It could be another 10 years.  I don't know that it won't .  So it's pretty much a waste of my time to keep thinking about it and hoping each month.  Because hoping opens myself up to being let down.  I think I need to start not expecting anything.  I wish there was an easy way for me to forget about trying to get pregnant and just live without this in my head.  It's hard though when I have to be careful half the month because I might be pregnant so I can't eat certain things and that's a reminder.  I enjoy being just me and JJ.  I feel like I am happy with just the two of us.  So for that I'm thankful.  There are many things we can enjoy right now that we couldn't with children.
On to other things, I no longer work as a receptionist.  And I have told my friend that I am going to sign up to do Arbonne.  I've been thinking about that for a couple years off and on.  I just about started 8 or so months ago, and now that I'm inbetween jobs again I just have to try it.  If I don't like it I can quit and get a different job.  But I need to see if this is something I want to do.  So if you want to host a party or buy products let me know!  Arbonne is natural skin/health/beauty products.  Something that is important to me is trying to live a healthier more chemical-free lifestyle.
To whoever reads this, have a wonderful day!

Update

Nope!  I'm not pregnant.  Just a quick to the point update.

Testing testing I'm just suggesting...

Ah Marianis Trench, how I love thee!  And it happened to fit my title.  I'm right in the thick of testing.  Yes.  I test early.  And multiple times.  :)  I buy my pregnancy tests on the internet for cheap.  I can buy about 25 tests online for the price of one in the stores.  So I let my self test basically as many times as I want.  So I'm playing the game of shadows.  Oh!  I see a shadow during the testing time limit!   It dries negative.  Rats.  Oh!  I see a shadow during the testing time limit!  Dried grey.  Rats.  Oh!  I see a shadow during the testing time limit!  Dried darker grey than last time.  Maybe it's turning into a bfp?  Oh, wait, nope.  That's the usual way of things during my tww.  Good times.  Haha.  Right now I'm on the latter.  Drying darker the last few times.  (Just so you know you aren't supposed to look at the tests after the time limit which is usually about 10 minutes but I always do.  And I do believe that it sometimes takes longer for the line to show up if you are really early so I always look hoping!! But for those of you who need sound advice on pregnancy tests, never trust a line after the time limit is up!) 
8 dpo.  That's where I'm at.  I asked J if I'd get a positive today and he said yes.  I guess I'd better listen to my husband!  :) 

3 dpo?

Well, my temp significantly went up today.  So I'm quite certain I'm at least 2 dpo but for now I'm still saying 3 dpo.  I'm including that higher temp that I got that was normally a pre-O temp because it was higher than the other ones I was getting.  So good.  Another tww for me. 

Arg...

So, today is day 19 and guess what?  Still at a pre-O temp on both thermometers.  They were basically the same.  Sigh.  The only thing that is different is that because my temps have been abnormally low, this mornings temp, though always has been a pre-O temp for me, was actually a high temp.  So if I ignore my other charts I might think this indicated Oing.  This temp was higher than all the other temps in the past 9 or so days except one.  So if my temp goes up tomorrow even higher I will consider yesterday, April 23rd, my O day.  Sheesh.  My poor poor husband.  Poor poor me.  You'd think it would be easy.  Just you try timing everything perfectly for months or years on end.  Kinda takes the fun out of "it."  ANYWAY...
I don't know what else to update about my cycle.  Pretty boring waiting to ovulate.  The good stuff comes later in the TWW when I can get ornery and impatient and emotional, and there are symptoms to discuss.  Hopefully in 7-13 days I will have my positive and our dear baby will be growing cute and fat and safe and sound in my belly.  :)

CD 18...

Yup, that's right.  I'm on cd 18 and no O as far as I know.  But, this morning I took my temp and it was really low again.  (96.66) Normal temps pre-O for me are 96.7- 96.9 ish.  And the past week I've been getting number lower than those consistently.  So I finally wondered enough about the reliability of my thermometer enough to stick that one and another one in my mouth at the same time for the same length of time and got two different results.  Once was quite a bit higher than the other.  So tomorrow morning I will take my temp with both of them and compare results.  I plan on using the other one that I hadn't been using to record my temp.  Anywho, so now I'm a little unsure of if I have O'd or if I'm still waiting.  It's a little annoying. 
And a random weird thing that happened.  I went to visit my family in another province this weekend.  Didn't change my phone clock.  In fact, I made sure whilst in the other province that I set my clock earlier to get up at the proper provincial time.  This morning I set it normal because I was back home and I got up la dee da la la la and got ready.  I am about ready to leave for work to get there for 9:45 and I look and the clock says 8:20.  Oh dear.  I call C at work just to confirm the time.  Sure enough, my phones time had changed and I had gotten up an hour early.  I don't understand...  Anyway, that was weird.

What? Can't be... Can it?

So, I think I might be ovulating early this cycle! I'm so pumped! I've been starting to get my signs that Oing is near! And here's the kicker: It's only 10 dpo today!!! Last cycle I O'd on cd 16 which was early for me, but now I think this cycle I might O by cd 13 or 14! Yay for Fertilaid! And I surely hope that my husband taking his Fertilaid by now might have made a difference for his little swimmers. It's probably a bit early for that, especially since I'm probably Oing earlier than expected. But my next cycle his guy should be more plentiful and healthier. Here's to hoping that these little pills bring about our BFP!
My fingers the yesterday and today are turning green from my ring (a sign of Oing for me) and I'm starting to get EWCM which definitely points to Oing. Wow, I guess this is just exciting for me. Oing early means that we get more tries in in one year. If I O on day let's say 13, I will get about 2 more cycles of trying! Plus it makes my waiting time easier because there is way less waiting around. Oh how I hope that I really am about to O early!!

CD 4...

Big jump from 2dpo to cd 4! So exciting news on the trying to conceive front! My luteal phase appears to have lengthened to 13 days! Yay!! I'm thinking the Fertilaid I took made a difference. I'm taking it again until I ovulate. For now I'm still taking smaller doses. About half the recommendation. So far so good. And this cycle is perhaps "The One." Jay thought so a little while back, and a friend of mine feels like it's going to happen soon. I'm being optomistic that it could be "The One." But we shall see. :)

2dpo!

Somehow I'm on 2dpo and I hardly know how I got this far already. I'm just so distracted by other things, the last month and a half I have not been thinking nearly as much about getting pregnant as normal. Ovulation snuck up on me. That was nice! I O'd apparently on cd 16, although my temp jump wasn't that high. But I'll count it as ovulation as this morning my temp was up even higher. Either way, everything timed out properly, so we're in the race again! Best part is, if we are pregnant (well, that itself would be the best part) squishy would be due Dec 14th, J's birthday! He's quite happy at that prospect. So, it's been a month or so since J's been taking fertilaid and I took a small dose of fertilaid the past couple weeks. Hopefully their concoction of fertilty inducing supplements will do the trick! Well, it's supposed to take sperm 72 days to replenish themselves so fertilaid might not kick in until next month or the next one. But I feel quite positive about how that could affect things. I did O earlier than I have in a while. So that was super wonderful! Get in more chances! And the egg quality is supposed to be better if you ovulate earlier on in your cycle than day 18 or so. So yay!!

Another Big Gap... I Suck at This Haha!

So I am probably the worst blogger ever. Oh well. :) Sorry to let down those who have actually come and read my blog. I love reading other people's blogs but it's just so hard for me to commit to it. So another couple of months have past. No pregnancy. I'm not depressed about it. In fact sometimes I feel very special that God has chosen me to go through this when most people don't. It's for a real purpose, and even though I don't know what it is, I'm encouraged because God thinks that I can handle this trial! He has confidence that I can go through this. Otherwise He wouldn't have brought me through it. So, yes, this road SUCKS HARDCORE, but I do have encouragement in it. I also have really crappy moments. In general, the feeling I get is a lot more sour than it used to be. But in my defense, I have stayed I think very upbeat in general about this whole thing. I mean, I have faced this infertility and two miscarriages for over four years now. That's a feat in itself! I do want to stay upbeat, but it is harder than it used to be and I am more sad about it than I ever used to be ever since our last miscarriage early last year.
Jay is feeling quite confident that I will get pregnant not this month but the next. So we'll see if that is true. :) You never know. God told Him last time that I would become pregnant. Maybe He's giving Jay and inkling this time. Oh I hope so! But if not, I'll just keep waiting...

Break Month

So, break month kinda happened, kinda not. It started out quite well. I didn't temp much. Only a few times. I did not know when I ovulated. That makes things interesting. I tried to avoid websites for a while, but then started going on them again about halfway through my cycle, but not quite as much. Plus, Christmas was really quite busy so I didn't have too much time to think about things. But, then Christmas ended and it was the week AF was supposed to come. Only I didn't know when it was going to! So I didn't know when I was late, and that made me go CRAZY! I hated not knowing and the last day that I thought it might possibly we due, was sooo stressful. Not knowing was sooo sooo hard. So I figured, if af doesn't come by the end of work, I'd consider myself late. So after work I went out to Walmart and went home thinking, It would suck if I got af while peeing on a stick. So I got home and went straight to business. Sure enough, POAS (peed on a stick) and what do you know, there SHE is. That was depressing. But it taught me that apparently it is easier for me to test before hand rather than wait it out. I have my internet tests all ready to go for this month. Today is CD8 (cycle day 8). So I have another 9-12 days or so until my expected O date.
I'm starting to wonder what else J and I could be doing. I don't want to do fertility treatments. They already clamped and tried shoving a catheter up my cervix one to many times!! Oh how I wish to experience this joy that comes so easy to most!