Running Out of Things to Say

My enthusiasm has dwindled.  I don't know how often I'll end up posting now.  It's just another thing that makes me think about the baby situation.  Sorry to sound cynical.  I just don't see a point to focus my energy on this.  God will give us a baby when He wants to.  So, there really isn't much point thinking about things.  When it happens it happens.  Thanks for reading, whoever did!  We'll see, maybe I won't feel like this in the future.  There may be blogs coming.  But at the moment, I just don't know, it could be a while. 

It's Getting Old

Trying to get pregnant, hoping I'm pregnant, etc is getting really old.  I don't even really care about looking at cute baby clothes, or baby related things anymore.  It just feels like a dead end road.  I still believe someday we'll have our own children.  But let's face it.  It could be another 10 years.  I don't know that it won't .  So it's pretty much a waste of my time to keep thinking about it and hoping each month.  Because hoping opens myself up to being let down.  I think I need to start not expecting anything.  I wish there was an easy way for me to forget about trying to get pregnant and just live without this in my head.  It's hard though when I have to be careful half the month because I might be pregnant so I can't eat certain things and that's a reminder.  I enjoy being just me and JJ.  I feel like I am happy with just the two of us.  So for that I'm thankful.  There are many things we can enjoy right now that we couldn't with children.
On to other things, I no longer work as a receptionist.  And I have told my friend that I am going to sign up to do Arbonne.  I've been thinking about that for a couple years off and on.  I just about started 8 or so months ago, and now that I'm inbetween jobs again I just have to try it.  If I don't like it I can quit and get a different job.  But I need to see if this is something I want to do.  So if you want to host a party or buy products let me know!  Arbonne is natural skin/health/beauty products.  Something that is important to me is trying to live a healthier more chemical-free lifestyle.
To whoever reads this, have a wonderful day!

Update

Nope!  I'm not pregnant.  Just a quick to the point update.

Testing testing I'm just suggesting...

Ah Marianis Trench, how I love thee!  And it happened to fit my title.  I'm right in the thick of testing.  Yes.  I test early.  And multiple times.  :)  I buy my pregnancy tests on the internet for cheap.  I can buy about 25 tests online for the price of one in the stores.  So I let my self test basically as many times as I want.  So I'm playing the game of shadows.  Oh!  I see a shadow during the testing time limit!   It dries negative.  Rats.  Oh!  I see a shadow during the testing time limit!  Dried grey.  Rats.  Oh!  I see a shadow during the testing time limit!  Dried darker grey than last time.  Maybe it's turning into a bfp?  Oh, wait, nope.  That's the usual way of things during my tww.  Good times.  Haha.  Right now I'm on the latter.  Drying darker the last few times.  (Just so you know you aren't supposed to look at the tests after the time limit which is usually about 10 minutes but I always do.  And I do believe that it sometimes takes longer for the line to show up if you are really early so I always look hoping!! But for those of you who need sound advice on pregnancy tests, never trust a line after the time limit is up!) 
8 dpo.  That's where I'm at.  I asked J if I'd get a positive today and he said yes.  I guess I'd better listen to my husband!  :)