I want to be. But like lots of my ideas, I have a hard time with follow-through. But I think it will be great to write out my thoughts and feelings about our trying to conceive journey/infertility journey. My last post was years ago. We still do not have a baby to hold in our arms. This cycle I just started is our 37th trying cycle. '37' is my husband and I's number. I'm hoping that this month will be the month for us. But of course I am always hopeful. Sometimes I wonder why I bother but honestly I just can't seem to not get hopeful every single new cycle. I just want to be pregnant so bad! So in the time gap from last blog to this one, we actually conceived twice. Once in April of 2010, (we miscarried at 5 weeks and 2 days) and once at the end of march of this year. We actually lost the baby almost immediately the second time as it was a blighted ovum. The baby must not have been developing properly and my body absorbed the pregnancy. We found out at 7 weeks and 2 days I believe. I carried the sac till 12 weeks until I finally took the misoprostol to start the miscarriage. It was so different from the first one. I started labouring mildly (think bad period cramps) and I passed the sac. There was lots of blood. I went to emergency because I was concerned at how much blood I was actually losing. (think a pad every 15 minutes)
Each cycle we got pregnant God either strongly hinted/told someone we were going to get pregnant or were pregnant. God is the maker and giver of life. It's up to Him to allow me to get pregnant, and it was His choice to take our babies home. One day I truely believe we'll be holding our children in our arms and we'll be able to look back on this journey and perhaps see more clearly God's purpose in our wait for our family.
Well that's all folks for tonight. I plan on writing again soon. Perhaps once or twice a week I hope!! Until next time...
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